


Contraband Cookies (A Septiplier Fanfiction)

by Mokii



Series: Septiplier [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: AU, Cute, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Prison AU, Romance, YouTube, Youtuber - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 17:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14549706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mokii/pseuds/Mokii
Summary: “Hey Sharp, do I look convincingly gay to you?”“You look like an 8 year old who’s just been told Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny don’t exist. What’s gotten you so dramatically depressed?”“I want to get something in for a friend’s birthday, but I don’t know how to do it.”





	Contraband Cookies (A Septiplier Fanfiction)

          “Hey Felix,” The blonde male stopped, turning his handful of cards away from his view and diverting his gaze up to the red haired male leaning over his bunk wall. 

          “What is it, Fischbach?” The male’s card companion, Ken, was also watching the interfering inmate, grinning stupidly. 

          “Hey! Fischbach! How’s the work out regime going?” Mark laughed weakly at Ken’s comments, leaning his forearms against the cold sand coloured walls dividing the bunks.

          “Well, considering there’s still snow covering all of the outside equipment, I think I’m going to have to hold back on leg day until the sun comes back out.” Cocking his head to the side and letting a sigh leave him, he gave Ken a small toothy smile before returning his gaze to Felix. “I need to put in an order, it’s almost Sean’s birthday and I want to get him something nice, he’s done a lot for me recently and I don’t wanna leave my gratitude with him with a simple thank you.” Felix burst out with a mouthful of laughter, giving Mark a disapproving look as he put down his cards and stood up, moving over to his bunk storage to get his notebook.

          “After that monstrosity you left in his bunk for Christmas? Jesus, you’d scare the devil with that shit.” Ken began to snicker under his breath at Felix’s comment.

          The previous month, Mark had recreated a Christmas tree out of multiple chocolate bars and candy pieces for Sean. You’d think the gift would be well received, however, the gift was placed directly beside the radiator, inevitably melting all of the chocolate and causing a mound of sugary goodness to be heavily dried to the cabinet top.

          “Hey, it was a creative gift and you guys were just jealous, I spent a lot of my commissary money on that gift!” Launching a finger in accusation towards the khaki covered pair, his eyes widened with his defensive words.

          “Well, if you’re getting anything that I’m not already ordering in batches, you’re going to be waiting a while, I have a lot of backup orders from Christmas still coming-”

          “Hey, hey ,hey, wait…” As Felix glanced at the accumulating pages that were filled with orders, Mark crept around and into the bunk, settling himself beside the other male. “Come on, can’t you slip me forward a few orders? Sean’s birthday is next week, you’re meeting your girlfriend tomorrow in visitation, can’t you ask her to speak to my boy Matt? He can pay for this, you don’t even have to shell out any money on it.”

          “Mark, you know how this goes. I can only order so much at a time, I’ve let you jump up before but I’ve got too much to handle as it is, I can’t risk having this slip out and lose customers.” Felix placed the notebook aside and shook his head at his Korean friend. “You’re one of my best friends but everything has consequences, I can’t help you this time Fischbach, sorry.” The red headed prisoner leaned his head against his hands on his knees and exhaled once more, feeling as though any other attempts were going to be rendered useless.

          “Perhaps you could sway one of the guards?” Ken’s accent resonated around the cubicle as he was still unable to keep his laughter to himself. “I mean, you wear a shirt that’s one size too small, you’re best friends with a green haired Irish leprechaun and you get defensive when people insult your hair.”

          “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” Mark’s voice lowered, his eyes darting towards the guard bubble at the from of the dorms, eyeing up the male on duty for today. Felix noticed where the male beside him was looking, chuckling a little.

          “Officer Howell,” He spoke knowledgeably. “He’s so obviously gay, he’s always working with that Officer Lester and sharing food with him and stuff, you get on over there with your tank top and your hair gelled to the side…” The Swede thinned his blue eyes as if to analyse Mark, gesturing in his general direction. “Yeah, you can sway him.”

          Mark began to feel like he wasn’t going to get much more advice from his friendly neighbourhood smuggler and co and decided to remove himself from the bunk, returning to his own and collapsing onto his bed. Another sigh left him, having realised that it was becoming a familiar act with his frustration as he thought once more about convincing a cop.

          “Hey Sharp, do I look convincingly gay to you?” As the Korean heard his bunk mate returning from the cafeteria, he spoke aloud as his body lay limp, feeling hopeless almost.

          “You look like an 8 year old who’s just been told Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny don’t exist. What’s gotten you so dramatically depressed?” It was true, Mark was a very dramatic person, and with the solution to his dilemma becoming further and further away, he was slowly deflating.

          “I want to get something in for a friend’s birthday, but I don’t know how to do it.” His tone was mono as he blew out a raspberry, sounding as pathetic as the 8 year old in question.

          “I saw you over with Felix so I guess that didn’t go 100% to plan?” Nate always knew how to respond in the most sarcastic of ways, which often helped Mark out of his depressed or angry situations, although this time, the annoyed male merely rolled his eyes.

          “The best thing I got is getting Officer Howell on my side with a blowie.” Nate sniggered at the option, although Mark kept his stone like expression. “I don’t wanna beat some meat for a few cookies.”

          “Wait, wait, wait… all you want is cookies?” The question caused the red head to tilt his head to the side, his brows furrowing. “Mark, the warden has a box of cookies with him every day. I know it isn’t the safest thing in the world but stealing is better than doing something that needs censoring in this case.”

          Mark rolled over onto his side and lifted himself up onto his arm, supporting his head. “So… you’re telling me…” He outstretched his free hand and pointed towards the floor as if mapping out what Nate had just told him. “If I can sneak into his office, I can snatch up a whole packet of cookies? Just like that?”

          The black haired bunk mate shrugged and shone a toothy grin. “Well, considering what you’re in here for, I’d be surprised if you couldn’t easily sneak in and smuggle up those delicious Chips Ahoy!” An angry groan left Mark, rolling back onto his back.

          “I’d appreciate if you didn’t bring up my stupid life choices.” Wrapping his arms around his head, the Korean lowered his eyelids in thought, lifting up one of his legs. “It seems like the best option I got…”

**#**

          “You’re honestly kidding me right?” Mark was hovering, listening in as his plan was going perfectly. “How the hell do you lose a screwdriver?!” The warden could be heard shouting into his phone as a distict voice was stuttering on the other line. “Alright, alright… sound the lockdown alarm, nobody moves from where they’re at until I get down there, frisk everyone who was in your class Barnes, this is the last time I trust you with engineering.”

          The red headed inmate smirked with satisfaction, having convinced Ken to slip a screwdriver into Officer Barnes toolbox with the promise of his desserts for the next three days. It was timed perfectly; Mr Muyskens arrived on a Thursday just around the time the first section of the day had finished. Mark could hear the rustling from inside  the office, hearing them being placed onto the desk alongside various other things such as files and the rest of his lunch.

          “Jesus Christ…” Noticing the footsteps were getting closer after hearing the other mumbling under his breath, Mark swiftly moved away from the door, pretending to have just left the supply closet not that far down the hallway as the warden briskly stormed past him. As Mark was beginning to feel like he’d succeeded, the warden stopped, turning around and shooting the sneaking inmate a look of accusation. “Fischbach? Why, why are you down here, I don’t remember you being on the maintenance crew, what are you doing?”

          Mark widened his eyes, his  hands balling into fists as he did a 180 and met Mr Muysken’s glare with his own falsely innocent expression. “No, I, I, uh… Sean asked me to do his shift today because he’s feeling sick!” Shrugging at his own stuttery lie, the warden only thinned his eyes further and pursed his lips to speak before Mark continued. “H-He haven’t left his bunk all day, whew, yeah, he’s got the shakes, his temperature’s through the roof and the next he’s like an ice block… yeah, no, it isn’t good.” Placing his hands on his hips, he nodded to himself and took a deep breath, his lips forming a line as he tutted. “Such a shame, y'know? His birthday’s coming up and he’s going to be suffering through it and everything…”

          There was a short awkward silence before the warden gave a sigh and pointed at the nervous other. “You… shouldn’t be doing that, but, I’m busy right now so, whatever you’re doing… don’t do it.” His tone was tiring, and he was clearly stressed. With a few more moments of silence, another puff of breath passed the warden’s lips as he turned and continued his walk down and out of the building.

          Mark let out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding and smiled to himself, creeping towards the office and opening the door.

          The office had filing cabinets lining two of the four walls, A shelving cabinet against the wall beside the door with a small cactus plant in the center on the top. Each of the shelves had a variety of different framed photos and brass sculptures ranging from animals to famous presidents. The desk was a mess, scraps of paper coating the tabletop with numerous scribbles and signatures covering them. It had a smell of sheer body odour and warm musky deodorant, causing the spy to scrunch up his nose when he first entered.

          Eventually after analysing the room, his eyes finally met with that all too familiar blue plastic packaging, his mouth subconsciously beginning to salivate. _“What if I just… snatch these up for myself? Nobody has to know…”_ Mark shook the thoughts from his head and grabbed the packet, almost startled by the crunching sound in his hands. “Where the hell do I hide this…” Slipping the bag into his khaki pants, he grunting and shook his head, taking them back into his hands and clearing his throat. His feet took his towards the office door once again, his hand surrounding the handle and opening it just enough to sneak his head around the edge, making sure the hallways was barren. Nodding to himself for reassurance, he hurriedly made his way back to the supply closet and crept in to grab a mop and bucket. Once opening the the top of the bucket, he slipped the packet in and dropped the top, easily hiding the packet whilst playing on his lie if he was seen by any officer.

          Mark felt his joy exceed himself as he wandered all the way back to the dorm with a grin on his face, bowing his head to each and every person he passed before reaching his dorms. Checking into the officer cubicle, he let out a breath when he noticed how the officer on guard was sucked into his newspaper. He crept his way into his own bunk and opened the lid of the bucket and pulled out the wet packet, slipping it underneath his pillow and finishing it up with a satisfied sigh.

          “Wow, Mr Fischbach, didn’t know you had it in you. You know you’re going to get caught with that right?” The satisfied Asian snickered and pushed the mop and bucket aside, watching as Sean approached the bunk, his all too familiar Irish laugh resonating through the walled off bunks.

          “I know you admire me Mark but you didn’t have to steal my job.” With an amused wink, Mark took hold of the mop handle and wheeled the bucket towards Sean.

          “Hey, do you think you could take this back to the supply closet? Oh, and also…” Mark shone an excited smile towards Nate and slipped his hand underneath his pillow, pulling out the packet and presenting it to Sean. “I remember you telling me you loved cookies, so I decided to work my way around to getting you some.”

          “Holy crap, Mark…” Snatching the package from the male’s hands, he hid the snacks under his shirt and gave a nervous belt of laughter, wrapping his arms around Mark’s neck.

          “Well, you know it took–” The words were stopped from revealing themselves by the lockdown bell, Mark’s gaze instantly shot to Ken, his eyes thinning in a glare as he swept across the floor to Ken’s bunk. “You didn’t put the screwdriver back?!”

          “N-No I did! This is something else!” Returning to his bunk, Sean was already in his own with the mop and bucket sat beside the walls. They all stood outside their bunks, Mark with his hands behind his back and Sean with a smug grin on his face, using his foot to push his bunk’s storage cabinet door shut.

          The warden entered the dorm and specifically aimed his glare towards Mark, the Korean specifically avoiding it. It didn’t take the warden long to understand where his cookies had gotten, and as his lips began to tell the tale of theft, All Mark could focus on, was the gleam he’d restored within Sean’s eyes.

          _“Oh, yeah, it was worth it.”_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Orange Is The New Black. Prompt was Cookies and was written for The Sunshine Project 2016.


End file.
